Whenever I am surrounded by the darkness,
I find light in you.
Whenever I reach under the scorching sun,
I find shelter in you.
Whatever it takes me to define life,
I find my words in you.
This is my first letter to you. When RR and MM declared about the hop of ‘The Woman That I Am’, I thought to write a piece dedicating you solely. For I believe, and I know, you are the person behind today I proudly call this pampered girl an empowered woman. You are the maker of ‘The Woman That I Am.’ But, Maa, as I always do, your blunder queen had messed up with that piece, and therefore, she left writing it then. Finally I ended up writing a piece unveiling so many things I always wanted to reveal.
You are the reason behind I celebrate my womanhood today. About twenty eight years ago, you prayed for a child and after some months, I came on your arms, you showed me the light of earth. You know Maa, all the time I prepare myself to write a letter to you, I feel so lost in thoughts that I always end up saying nothing. And as always, I leave many things unsaid.
But I know, a silent conversation goes on between you and me. Always, in my every breath. You know about my every heart break, you can smell every move I make. When society points me a gun with the wonderful complements, saying, your elder daughter is twenty seven now, she is tremendously exceeding the threshold to be called ‘Eligible For Marriage’, you always love to say them ‘She knows her worth, and I am proud of her.’
You are proud of me because I am your reflection, I inherit the nature to raise my voice against the societal norms, I have my own ‘voice’ and I believe to make my own way.
I thought of writing many things today, but as I am eagerly waiting for your test reports, my mind has stopped thinking. I just want to say you something, from my deepest corner of heart. Maa, for the last one month, we are taking care of you, just like you do for us, since our births. Saheli is still a little child for me, and you, and this is the reason I hide many things from her. For your sickness I have been blessed to embrace the motherhood inside me, that was sleeping for long. Dida will be so proud of me, I am sure, she is smiling from the heaven. Seeing that her elder granddaughter is taking care of her daughter so well. I am a daughter of two, and now, I have become mother of one. I am so proud to become the mother of my mom, feeding, nursing and taking care of her. I love you, my dearest child!
There was another purpose behind writing this letter to you. As I can’t say it in front of you, but, I would love to confess something to you. A fear was engraved inside your soul, since my childhood, I know. Please don’t be afraid Maa, I am stronger than you see, I am braver than you believe. I am hiding a sea of void inside my heart. A storm is awaiting, and one day, I will roar. That day, you will be proud of me, seeing, your daughter has become a woman of wisdom, enduring all the pain time had in store for her.
Perhaps, the universe knew about us, before we started writing our story, together. For that reason, she blessed me to come and embrace my heaven here, on your arms. And I promise you Maa, whenever I will write a chapter in my life, we will write it together, always, and, forever.
Praying for your speedy recovery, get well soon, my bravest daughter. Wishing you a very Happy Women’s Day, my lovely mother.
– From your elder daughter Mamon